Don't make me promises, baby you never did know how to keep them well.

Well, Me and Nick broke up.

You want to know how i feel? Maybe you don't But i am going to tell you.

I've never felt this bad. I find myself randomly sat there crying into a gass of vodka and thinking 'Why not smash the glass and top yourself' then i stop because i know it's silly. But is it?

I spent a good few hours sat in my room tonight crying, While my friends came and gave me hugs and brought me drinks, rubbed my back and told me it would all be ok, Kim lept on me with hugs, Oliver patted my legs while i was curled in a ball and Joe, well Joe gave me a big drunken bear hug.

It's 3am and i know if i go downstairs to bed all i will be able to see is his face. Feel his touch, Hear his voice. He'll haunt my dreams.

I've just been reading my diaries, Yes i brought them with me here. Recalling the first kiss, the first cuddle, the first of multiple types of sex things. The first i love you, the first presents, nice words. I have some text messages from him written in there, Some chat logs on my laptop, jokey pictures and recordings and things, which i am going to have to pluck up the courage to delete. I'll have to record the last kiss, last hug, last i love you, Go home and pack away the cards and the teddies. the feather rose he bought me for valentines day, the book he got me for christmas, I'm not allowed to have them on display anymore, I'll have to move the photo of him away from my bed, Because i'm not allowed to love him anymore and that hurts.

The happiest days of my life are just a memory now. I'd rather do any other pain than this, I'd rather anything than this. And i don't even know if this bothers him, part of me things it must, but part of me thought he'd never do this to me and he has.

I promised him my heart, and look what happened.

I am going to sleep now, Whether or not i chose to wake up is another matter.

Katie x

No, this is not a guilt trip, for anyone who might think it.