Love of mine, Someday you will die, But i'll be close behind and follow you into the dark

Think about it. I look at the most perfect couples and just think 'It'll never last'. Not that i don't want them to last, I'm not malicious like that. I just think one day he'll break her heart and then it will be over.

I have these friends called Kim and Oliver. You'll have heard me mention them before. Kim and Oliver went out, at the time it felt like forever. It must have been for about 7 months all in all, A bit on an off, you know? But it seemed like it was going to last forever. I mean i can't imagine what it would have been like to be in that realtionship, it might have seemed over before it had begun for Kim and Oliver. But watching it happen, I mean Kim was my best friend, i was entitled to a ring side seat. But it seemed to last forever, or atleast like it was going to.

I can rememeber the day they started going out so clearly. It was after a party we'd had where we tried to set Kim up with Adam Crawshaw and it had gone badly. Anyway we'd all gone back to Joe's house. They got pleasantly drunk, i got not so pleasently drunk. Then the following day Oliver had asked me to help him with Kim. I had something of a thing for him then, and i'm not going to deny it, it wasn't the most pleasant thing to have to do. And the next day they were going out. It happened at dinner time. I didn't go into Rawtenstall because i knew what was going to happen, But Joe, Kim and Oliver did. Joe came up from town rather early, I know this because i was writing in my diary on the window sill and the form room window starred out onto the path up from down. He didn't look to happy so i went down to talk to him. It was a monday, and we all had biology together last period. I got the full story from Kim then, while we were lining up to go in. She had this fear in her eyes, that she'd wronged me, but i'd consented so i smiled and yes i was scared to. She was my best friend, what if she forgot me? And the other things. What made Kim better? Stuff you never want to have to think about your best friend. But it happened and every second seemed like an eternity looking back. It seemed like it would last forever.

Now two years down the line... We're all friends again, but it's taken a while to get back to something remotely close to what we all had back in year 11. Oliver has had a whole host of girlfriend to call his own. Kim is talking about regrowing her virginity. It all seems so long ago. It didn't last forever at all.

Sara and James, Now there's a blast from the past. Now Sara's not exactly a one man girl, Not that i'm implying anything. But at the time the 3 months or so they were together it seemed they would be together for ever.

I thought me and Nick would be together for a long time. Even thought it wasn't practical or going to happen, i had that sense of permenance.

Now this brings me to my point. Why is it that i can't seem to apply any stencil of perfection to people i see in the street? Or couples i know? Why is it that i can't think love is just love and happiness is just happiness? Or atleast withouth adding something like 'For Now' or 'Until they get bored' On the end. When did i lose my dreams of finding that perfection in someone else, and someone finding that perfection in me? When did i lose my faith in innocence and purity? When did everyone become a criminal? When did i stop trusting others emotions? When did i stop trusting my own? When did i become cold?

I hate the fact i have become so bitter that i am even questioning love that i feel and always have. Like my love for Kim. I know i love her, She's my best friend. Oceans couldn't keep us apart for fucks sake, so why am i questioning it?


I miss that sense of permenance. I miss the safety it seemed to blind people with. I think any happiness, even blind, even false, even for the shortest, tiniest, Is better than none.

I will end this overly long outpour here.