Please forget the year I failed you, I won't hold you anymore

tonights title is brought to you by inme, the song 'in loving memory'.

So my life is a bit of a mess at the moment. Here's why.

I am not pregnant, which is good, but also means there's no clear reason i've not got my period, which is not so good. And i want it, i never thought i'd want it but i do, it's getting ridiculous now. So that's why that area sucks.

Nick, me and nick generally suck, well, because of my nose piercing pretty much. I have to chose between taking it out and never doing anything like it again so he'll talk to me again (but it won't be how it used to) or having free reign off my life and saying fuck you nick. Answers on a postcard please, because it is a really hard decision. I just don't know what to do, on the one hand i love him and we have good memories etc, but i worry that sometimes the way we are now will start to contaminate those memories. Which is not a good thing, but is still was a very good friend to me. And on the other hand i don't know if i want to live a life with restrictions of that nature. I'm not even slightly sure what to do about that one, so if anyone fancied coming deciding for me i'd be more than grateful.

I have an essay due for wednesday that i havn't seen the films for or even have a clue about writing, which is already on an extension. And i just can't bring myself to do it because i know it'll bring me further down than i am already and i have been crying about 3 times a day for the last week. I also have 2 exams to revise for and it's just not worth thinking about. Plus for my lit essay i got a D which means i need to resit it next year, if i even get into my 3rd year because my attendance has been shocking due to my depression, i swore i'd never use it as an excuse but there you go.

Also, my cousin has been in hospital for the last few days, while jumping a fence she skewered her hand, ripped it off and tore away all the muscle and skin. After waiting two days they finally opperated to try and repair her hand but in the process had to lose her, now dead, little finger and wedding finger. She doesn't know yet because she hasn't come around, the decision was made mid surgery, so she didn't even know that losing her fingers was an option. Her mum, my aunty joanne, is in bits. it's a bit terrible.

So i am generally quite shit, quite depressed and over all, not good.

Hope everyone else is well.

Katie x