Girl of the north country

Soooooo..... two months on almost. Wow i'm shit.

Ok so too much to recap on, the basics are now permanently residing in lancashire, working at matalan and looking for my own place with the wonderful miss miller.

So onto more pressing matters. I hate to bring this up, again, but for anyone who has been reading my blog properly they'll recall a certain someone named matt. This next section of my blog will perfectly demonstrate how fickle and self centred i can be... so er on the 9th may last year i wrote this:


'I think the friendship boundaries between me and Matt may have been pushed last night, it was odd, good odd, I think. I spent a long time wanting it to happen and then, 2 weeks before the end of term, whoosh it does. He was telling me we can make it work; he’d make the effort to see me. And I’m like, that’s all well and good, but I don’t even know where Solihull is let alone how to get there. Plus the times I live in wolves that’s all well and good, but the times I’m in Lancashire, it’s a 2 hour, expensive, train journey. Is it wrong to be thinking about logistics instead of like, the actual thing of it? Well he told me he liked me, and apparently has done since ‘he first slit my throat’ (those of you who read my blog will remember the post about us making Kel’s film with her). He also told me that he wasn’t just saying it because he was drunk and he kept asking me why it had taken so long for us to hook up. To be honest I’m a bit ‘run home and hide under the covers’. I’ve not been in a relationship in a long time.'

and on the er 12th of may i wrote this:

'Things with Matt are, well, awkward. I was worried this would happen and like an idiot I let myself get trapped in by the ‘we’s’ and the promise we could make it work, let alone all the compliments I’d dreamed of him thinking that were suddenly emerging from his mouth, albeit slightly drunkenly. And like a complete naïve retard I let myself get charmed into bed thinking something could actually come of it, when no, I was in fact, just being used. The idea that he actually wanted to be with me made me so happy, The kisses and the cuddles and the smiles and the butterflies you get when something good is happening. But no, wake up Katie, you don’t deserve any of that do you? I spoke to Kel about it and she said she thinks he really does like me but is just really lazy. Either way it’s not good and I feel like an idiot for it.'

Since then, a year later, we're in the reverse position. Matt is now really into me, and not at all concerned about the distance which is the initial reason we didn't hook up in the first place, and now i'm not sure and am very concerned about when we'd see each other etc. It's a bit of a mess, when i went and slept at steve's on thursday after planet i was very drunkenly texting him my worries and i think i really hurt his feelings, he claimed he doesn't want to lose me, and i got to thinking, do i like him enough for the hastle of a relationship which him? I don't know. It's a bit of a long distance, and i have become a bit of a comitafobe. I do like him, and i hope he never reads this, because it might hurt him, but it'd be very very difficult, and i'm not sure if i can handle the risk it'd put on our friendship as he is a very sweet guy. Also, since i left uni in march and me and him said we'd see how we'd go i've not exactly been not seeing other people, if you catch my drift? So not only have i unofficially been seeing other people he's unaware of but i'm not sure where it's going. But it's not like it's cheating because we were 'seeing how it goes' not acctually dating or anything. Am i trying to convince myself i was right to risk hurting him like that? Yes. I've made up my mind, i think, that i don't want to be with him, but i'm not sure if that's through fear or something, plus he's hurt me before, a lot, and i dunno if i can bothered to wade through that again.

Then there's the fact that i think i might like someone else. And i'm not telling you who. But i like him and he's lovely, if not a bit cocky, and it won't work so i'm not telling you incase he ever finds out and i begin to look like a knob.... again.

Anywho, now i'm done with my man tales and negitivity we'll move on.

I got a new tattoo:



And i'm also rocking the pink hair again:


I don't think there is anything new to report. Me and miller are looking for a house together, as i said up there. She's pretty desperate to find one, so it will be soon hopefully, and i can have a double bed again.... yay. and i can come home/go out whenever i like again. Living at home is a bit difficult sometimes :(

Anyway, will this do? Is it the update you always dreamed of?

Thought so,

ta'ra x