Sleep Deprived

I always dreamt of saying something so beautiful, so innocent, so perfectly naive that someone would be changed because i had said it. I always thought that the first time i gave my heart would always be the last. I always wanted to do something for someone that had that beautiful pointlessness about it, so calm, so treasured but completely and utterly devoid of any kind of point. And i wanted the thing, those words, to mean as much to hear as they did to say. I wanted the person who received my naive, innocent, pointless gesture to wrap it up in cotton wool and look after it for ever. But you know, the world is a cruel place, My gesture was taken out of it's home and smashed with my dreams on the side walk. It was an ordinary day, and hopefully another is around the corner soon. Trapped inside a prision of everything that made that gesture shelf ready. Naivity. Innocence. Calm. Pointlessness. I am trapped in a prision of my own making. Because i loved. Because i gave so idely, thoughtlessly infact. And the fool in me still is. I gave my gift, I gave my gesture. But i do not regret that for the world. Yes, it may hurt. Emotion, biggest human error. I know i am only seventeen... but i have lived enough to know that you pay for your crimes. In this day and age, at least. If loving and giving are crimes then i think i am better off in my self made cell. Love is a crime of the heart, not the head. I am merely a pessemist, Sire. I'm purely not worth saving. I never want to lose the love i feel for him, but now i realise, He can keep his gift. Returning it would feel worse. And i know he can still do well by me. He's a good man.

Katie x