I would love to tell you that i have found everything i've been looking for these last eighteen years, but i havn't. I would love to tell you that i am happy being single and alone, not needing a man to validate me, but i'm not.
Truth be told i look at myself as being 18, doing a degree that's going no where, with many friends and no boy friend, i can't drive and i have messy hair, i could do with loosing a couple of pounds and buying a decent bra. I have a bad taste in clothes, films and music and i eat too much pasta. Really i shuold be saying:
I am 18, young and feeling young. My hair is amazing, curvy is sexy and i look fabulous in my hippyesque attire.
Wow that sounds like a personal add. It's just that i don't. I look in the mirror and hate what i see. It's not on purpose, and i don't acctively hate myself, i just do.
I've convinced myself it'd be better if someone loved me, But it's not. I'll still feel the same way i feel about myself when i am taken as i do now. I'm not going to like myself anytime soon by the sound of it.
I guess all in all i just want someone to make me feel better. but that's the thing with me, it's all about the everyone else. Why can i not make myself feel better? why can i not look after myself? I guess that just makes me the fool really. In an ideal world i'd have taken head of this independant woman shit, re invented myself and put mysef out there 'i don't need a man to make me happy' and all that. It's the same principle of money won;t buy you happiness. This may be true, but it can buy you a lot of things to make you happier. And i think having a boyfriend would make me happier. I've just got to find out.
I'm sorry, blog, this was terribly moany. I just needed an outlet.
Love you,
Talk soon,
Katie x
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Dear Blog
Posted by Katie at 2:56 PM
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2 comments:
*hugs* don't worry It wasn't moany it made a lot of good points. points that I often find myself thinking about too.
I don't know what I'm trying to say as usual... shall I hit that publish button or is comment pointless?
I know totally how you feel. Some people are happiest when they have someone to love and look after, not all of us girlies were designed for this Independant Wonman shit. It's not wrong to know that you can't make yourself feel better and need someone else to do it either. Its just human nature. (yes it bloddy sucksass). As always, here if you want to moan and for the hugs. *hugs. I still think you're one of the bestest people ever. You're attractive from the outside right through to your soul. xxxx
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