Linzie

I was thinking before about my biggest regrets, and one of them that wouldn’t stop nagging at me was Linzie.

I know everything that happened with me and Nick and Linzie was a long time ago, and I know that things end and people move on. But I am only just realising now that not everything can be repaired. I mean, I truly miss Linzie’s presence in my life, she was a good friend and at the time I severely over looked that. I mean now I message her and I expect not to get a reply, she could be busy or something but I always expect it’s because we’re not so close anymore, we had a catch up and I went to her birthday thing this year, but it’s no where near the same as it once was and I know I have myself to blame for that entirely. I don’t really know what I expected to happen and at the time it felt like the right thing to do, but looking back I did lose a lot from it. I mean I hope that Linzie and I can be better friends some day, and I really hope she doesn’t hate me because I will always have time for her, and do now. If she rang me and needed to talk then I’d be there and I always will, partly because of guilt but mostly because I did love her a lot as one of my best friends and I know she has the new life she deserves in Leeds with people much more deserving of her company, but I dunno. Sometimes I just wish I could make everything ok between us and stop fucking it up, but I’m not entirely sure anything I could say could fix what I’d done.

I just hate not having her in my life anymore, you know? She was, just, I dunno, enchanting. In a weird way, I don’t even know if that’s the right word.

I can’t explain it, it’s really difficult to feel and explain. I guess there’s no words for it for a reason, and I’ll accept that for now, one day something might make me understand that reason.

Well anyway, goodnight x