I believe in dreams

So,

Things are not really that good at the moment.

On Friday I had my bag stolen from work. I lost my phone, bank cards etc and my DKNY perfume which I am most upset about because it was massively expensive. I still have the same number thanks to the lovely o2 but I don’t have any of your numbers, so if you would be so kind as to email them to me I would be grateful.

Things with Matt are, well, awkward. I was worried this would happen and like an idiot I let myself get trapped in by the ‘we’s’ and the promise we could make it work, let alone all the compliments I’d dreamed of him thinking that were suddenly emerging from his mouth, albeit slightly drunkenly. And like a complete naïve retard I let myself get charmed into bed thinking something could actually come of it, when no, I was in fact, just being used. The idea that he actually wanted to be with me made me so happy, The kisses and the cuddles and the smiles and the butterflies you get when something good is happening. But no, wake up Katie, you don’t deserve any of that do you? I spoke to Kel about it and she said she thinks he really does like me but is just really lazy. Either way it’s not good and I feel like an idiot for it.

Apart from the matt thing I am pretty much just moping about in the sweltering heat. I have given up eating because it makes me fat and am living off rice, salad and orange juice for the time being until I can be thin, and therefore wanted. It’s a genius plan, and hopefully will work and I can cope off with many boys and behave exactly like they do to me. Idle promises just to get what I want.

I’ve got an exam tomorrow, and one on Thursday and then it’s just work and then I’m done. I’ll be sad cause I’ll miss my friends but I will see Sam, Mel and maybe Kel on the 7th of June for her 21st birthday, which will be nice. I’m looking forward to it. But I will also be glad to be home I guess. I miss my home friends, not so much my family, but I don’t know, I’m not finding great satisfaction in anything at the moment. I think this is the time I get to say I am truly fed up of it all.

Life’s a bitch, and then you die.

Katie x